WEDNESDAY WORD (NEVER MIND THE DAY) AND SOME INTERESTING PARAGRAPHS

I was going to say

Hebdomader

because that's what I do on Wednesdays - say something.

It’s a good word, is it not? I’ve come across it in only one place - on a plaque beside a shiny black front door. (Though if it existed there, it probably exists elsewhere too. That door cannot have a monopoly on

Hebdomaders)

* * *

But today, when I should have been thinking of one word, I’ve been struck by the arrangement of others - so here are some Wednesday words. All manner of extraordinary information and delightful nonsense emerges when sentences are allowed to form. These are short paragraphs from books I have been reading today.

1.

This is about how to solve the problem of male aggression in densely populated trout farms. It comes from ‘Mendel’s Dwarf’ - a novel by Simon Mawer. (1997.) (I’m uncomfortable with his use of commas but if he wants to put them after brackets and before ‘but’s . . . well, I wouldn’t want anyone interfering with my punctuation so I’ve left his alone.)

'You rear some female trout (XX of course), but you dose them with male sex hormone. This turns them into males of a kind. They produce sperm, for example. But genetically they remain XX, and so every sperm cell produced contains an X chromosome. Using these 'males' as a source of sperm, every fertilisation will be by an X sperm with an X egg. Every baby trout that these 'males' father (if you'll forgive the expression) will turn out female.'

That’s neat isn’t it? Don’t want fights? Miss out males.

* * *

2.

This is from ‘Gently Does It’ (1955) by Alan Hunter. The maid is coming into the room to be questioned by detectives investigating the murder of her employer. The housekeeper has already been interviewed. The chauffeur will be next. It’s that kind of story.

'Susan was a pretty, pert blonde girl with a tilted bra and an accentuated behind. She wore a smile as a natural part of her equipment. She had a snub nose and dimples and a pleased expression, and had a general supercharged look, as though she was liable to burst out of her black dress and stockings into a fierce nudity.'

Isn’t that wonderful?

* * *

3.

And finally, Aesop.

(Guess . . . somewhere around 580BC? - but this version is from 1884.)

'A Mouse, by an unlucky chance, formed an intimate acquaintance with a frog.'

What a sentence!

'The frog, one day, intent on mischief, bound the foot of the Mouse tightly to his own.'

(As one does!)

'Thus joined together, the Frog led his friend toward the pool in which he lived, until he reached the very brink, when suddenly jumping in, he dragged the Mouse in with him. The Frog enjoyed the water amazingly, and swam croaking about as if he had done a meritorious action. The unhappy Mouse was soon suffocated with the water, and his dead body floated about on the surface, tied to the foot of the Frog.'

. . . I’ll not go on.

Everyone’s daft.

Absolutely everyone.

So all that’s left to say is

Hebdomader

P.S. Our Spanish Broom tree has split in the wind. It won't be mended. We've been to town and bought a new saw specially. It's very sad.

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